The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night’s sleep.  E. Joseph Cossman

Meditation: This sentence has been a favorite saying of my mother when she raised us four children while being the pastor’s wife of a traditional German congregation that expected much from their pastor and from his family. I love my mother for her pragmatic ways of dealing with life. And it was so true, 50 year ago: the only therapy or luxury she had available to her to restore her strength and courage for the next day, was a good night sleep. My father who was an anxious personality would always go to bed at 10 pm and get up at 5:30 am. He then would also routinely take a mid-day nap. This strict ritual helped him deal with his anxiety that being an introvert while filling an extrovert job brought about. And it is so true: Our bodies and souls are so interconnected. We can help our emotional bodies by allowing our physical bodies to rest and sleep. While sleeping, our unconscious is allowed to process by finding expression in symbols and emotional dreams. When we awake, we have made a whole journey through those overwhelming and despairing emotions that earlier had felt too heavy to carry. And when we awake, we feel lighter. God lifts our burdens while we sleep and helps us carry.

Prayer: God, we thank You for the healing that happens when we sleep. Thank You for all those dreams that help us process what otherwise seems just too much and overwhelming. Thank You that Your Spirit and our unconscious are so closely linked. When we sleep they work together on our behalf. And so, we are grateful for every night of restful sleep, for every dream that helps us move through despair, and for every nap that restores us, even in the middle of the day. Amen

It is a waste of time to get up early and stay up late, trying to make a living. The Lord provides for those he loves, even while they are sleeping. Psalm 127:2

It is important to feel the anger without judging it, without attempting to find meaning in it. It may take many forms: anger at the health-care system, at life, at your loved one for leaving. Life is unfair. Death is unfair. Anger is a natural reaction to the unfairness of loss. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Meditation: My friend is now in the hospital. After intensive care, she is now on the palliative floor. She longs to be home. She longs to one more time go on vacation with her husband and son. She sees so many unfinished things she would like to complete. The past days I have felt numb. Being reminded that feeling angry is OK, has been helpful. I am angry that my friend is too weak to go on vacation. That she can’t eat much and is getting weaker by the day. I am angry that she has to go through this. I am angry that her son won’t have his mother for much longer. I am angry that I can’t be there with her. I am angry! It feels good to be angry and not only numb. Words seem so inadequate at this time. I will call her today. I will need God’s Spirit to not put my anger on her. She has her own process of walking through this time of “letting go”.

Prayer: God, be with my friend who is in distress. Hear her voice, her cry. Thank You that You value our anger and allow it to be. You listen. You listen to all our angry tears, cries of sadness and hope that life will somehow continue. Help my friend to entrust everything into Your care and into Your hands. All her unfinished things, assure her that she will be made complete in Your love for her. Help her be gentle with herself and help her allow herself to depend on others in this vulnerable time. Amen

In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. Psalm 18:6

Over-functioning is taking responsibility for your own life and for the lives of everyone around you. With the over-functioner, there’s a fear that if they don’t do it, it won’t get done. Terri Cole

Meditation: Often first born children, oldest girls, children of low- or over-functioning parents or anxious personalities have the tendency to feel highly or overly responsible. For themselves, and then also for all those around them. Spiritually the challenge for these persons is to let go of perfectionism and of extremely high standards for themselves and for others. An over-functioning person’s basic emotion is often anxiety. “What if I don’t do this?”… “What if the other person does not do this?” Often they have grown up with worst case scenarios being painted on the walls of their childhood homes. The anxiety of loss of control, of chaos, of helplessness and imperfection is great. One healing balm for over-functioning persons is to experience themselves in a healthy way as dependent. Dependent on other people: “There is somebody else who can do this or that.” And dependent on God:  “There is a God who holds the universe in balance and who allows me to be weak at times, and imperfect or exhausted.” When an over-functioning person can allow to rest, healing happens. Additionally under-functioning persons then get a chance to step up and to step in. New balance and healthier functioning for all can come about.

Prayer: God of balance, You see us when anxiety overcomes us and we become driven. You see us over-functioning and forgetting that we can depend on You and on others. Thank You for reminding us to trust more, to obsess less and to not allow our anxiety and our need for control to drive us and those around us insane. Heal us from over-functioning. Heal us from perfectionism. Free us from feeling responsible for everybody around us. Help us to rest and to let go. Amen

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

 

There is a lot of healing going on. Really! More people are vegetarians, more are in the green movement, more of us are tearing down the old paradigms and embracing same-sex marriage, single motherhood, men raising babies. Iyanla Vanzant

Meditation: God’s realm is a healing space where people start seeing their connection with the earth and take concrete steps to preserve it. God inspires us to live as healthy as we can. One of my daughters just decided to become a vegetarian and eat gluten free. She got inspired watching other young women strive to eat as healthy and as conscious as possible. What an amazing choice for a teenager at the age of 14! Healing happens also as God’s love transcends gender roles and broadens narrow views on who can love or parent whom. Even though the dominant story line in the media is currently once again white, male, patriarchal and hierarchical, the reality is that our culture has shifted. We are multicultural. We are open to multiple expressions of loving, family roles and gender expression. Even though there is an acute and severe oppression of this paradigm shift going on, it cannot be stopped. God is the ever evolving, ever more inclusive and ever more generously loving creative force in our universe. Therefore, yes, there is a lot of healing going on. We might not see it every day. But just like Advent…We are waiting for this new healing paradigm shift to be revealed and to be made fully manifest in our midst.

Prayer: Gracious God, even though there is a backlash, Your healing and generous impact on our multicultural society cannot be stopped. We thank You for all who start taking good care of their bodies and of this earth. We thank You for courageous and unconventional families who raise children in a loving environment, while still often facing prejudice and oppression. God, Advent means we are waiting once again for Your ultimate love to be revealed in Your son, born by an unwed teenager. What comfort, what promise! And we are grateful. Amen

Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ Luke 10:9

The glory of justice and the majesty of law are created not just by the Constitution – nor by the courts – nor by the officers of the law – nor by the lawyers – but by the men and women who constitute our society – who are the protectors of the law as they are themselves protected by the law. Robert Kennedy

Meditation: As the Advent season begins, we are reminded that we Christians are waiting for the second coming of Jesus Christ. The second time around, he will come as the judge. He will come to judge, restore justice and demand an answer from all of us how we contributed to love, peace and justice in this world. And so, we all, men and women, are reminded that we are to be protectors of the law, as we are protected by the law. As a former immigrant, now US citizen, this sentence is a huge privilege and cannot be taken for granted. We have to guard this privilege and mandate carefully, as to guarantee the separation of the three political branches in a time when many boundaries have gotten blurred and truth is no longer a given value. And the hopeful Advent news that we see playing out in front of our eyes these days is that “nobody is beyond the law”. Nobody. And so, we wait patiently for the most powerful persons in this country to be questioned under the law, so be judged under the law and to be found innocent or to be found guilty under the law, based on their own actions. Advent is the reminder that injustice will not prevail.

Prayer: God, we are waiting. We are waiting for justice to prevail and be done. We wait for the truth to be revealed. We wait for all oppression, all lies and all deceit to come to an end. Let justice roll on like a river, in our personal lives and in our current political drama. Amen

But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream! Amos 5:24

We live in a world where most people still subscribe to the belief that shame is a good tool for keeping people in line. Not only is this wrong, but it’s dangerous. Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, depression, eating disorders, and bullying.” Brené Brown

Meditation: Shaming has been and is until today a method of parenting and a method of religion to “keep children/people in line”. It works, but it has a brutal impact on the soul and psyche of a (growing) person. The experience of being shamed repeatedly can lead to self-“aside”, self-hatred, self-shaming and then also hate of others. Speaking shaming words are a subtle way of abuse. The abusers feel better about themselves, as demeaning words are being hidden and packaged “nicely”. Sometimes deeply shaming words are spoken in church. I sometimes overhear parents scold their children who might just be running around in church, having fun being kids… One would think the children had broken holy laws and were the most shameful creatures on earth. And the scolding is done with quiet, yet deeply impacting shaming words: “How dare you?..” “Who do you think you are?…” “Have you lost your mind?…” “See, all the other kids are walking. You are so irresponsible, crazy, bad behaved, shameful…” Overhearing those words always hurts me. I do not think the parents know what they are doing and how deep those shaming words go. It doubly hurts and saddens me when such shaming words are being spoken in and then being associated with church.

Prayer: God, You have come to remove our shame. You entered our human existence to free us from any feelings of shame that comes from being natural, vulnerable and limited human beings. You shared our experience by becoming flesh, so we can no longer hate or despise ourselves without hating and despising You. You came to help us, You came to show compassion and love, so we are not being humiliated. Your Spirit never shames. Your Spirit of Love always wants to create self- and other acceptance and a steadfast resolve in us. God, help us keep the shaming out of our parenting and out of Your Church. Amen

But the sovereign Lord helps me, so I am not humiliated. For that reason I am steadfastly resolved; I know I will not be put to shame. Isaiah 50:7

I define connection as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship. Brene Brown

Meditation: Vulnerable times are times when we are in transition, times when we are sick, times when we feel ashamed or guilty, or times when we are not at our best. Puberty is such a time. Aging confronts us with illnesses or other weaknesses. Marriage and family conflicts bring forth shame or guilt feelings. Being and remaining connected throughout those experiences is a deeply spiritual experience of “belonging” and “love”. Feeling seen, heard and valued despite our human limitations provides an energy that heals, comforts and strengthens us. The Jewish and Christian traditions talk about such connection between God and us. And this connection is the source and the role model for healthy and healing human connections.

Prayer: Gracious God, You are the source of non judgmental acceptance. You are the model for healing connection. Help us as families to rejoice over each other, as You rejoice in us. Help us embrace each others’ imperfections. Quiet our shame and guilt by Your love. Thank You for being the deeper ground on which we stand, especially when life throws challenges our way. And we are grateful. Amen

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. Zephaniah 3:17

 

 

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability… To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L’Engle

Meditation: The past days I have struggled with an ear infection. I had those a lot when I was a child, but have not had one for probably forty years. On top of my infection, several emotionally unsettling things have happened these past two weeks. Somehow, a perfect storm. The past three days, I had to take time off from work. My physical and my emotional body would not let me function as usual. Somehow I had gotten completely overwhelmed with life, and did not notice. Until I got slowed down. I experienced myself vulnerable as I have not felt in a long time. My husband was able to walk with me through this new experience of me being sick and not highly functional as usual. I am resting now, feeling like having come through a storm and being on the other side. Feeling like a tidal wave sucked me in, but now I am back on shore. A strange yet healing experience of being vulnerable.

Prayer: God of storms and tidal waves. God of vulnerability and love. I am grateful for your presence with me as I went through my experience of physical and emotional vulnerability. I feel humbled and reminded that being grown up does not mean not being vulnerable. Thank you for the love and the care I have received these past days. Amen

Do not be afraid—I will save you. I have called you by name—you are mine. When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burned; the hard trials that come will not hurt you. Isaiah 43: 1-2

Can miles truly separate you from friends? If you want to be with someone you love, aren’t you already there?  Richard Bach

Meditation: I have a friend who I have known since kindergarten. I adored her. She had black hair, brown eyes, and her skin was beautiful. I thought she was the prettiest girl I had ever known. We stayed together in the same classes all the way through High School. We would often meet after school playing, sharing life in our different families. At fourteen another girl came between us and took her away from me, which caused me great pain and anguish. However, we remained connected anyway in a way that sisters do. She became a doctor. I became a pastor. No matter how much time passed or how little we heard from each other over the past 30 years, there is a connection that nobody can take away. Today my friend is battling cancer. She had it a few years ago and was able to beat it. This time it came back, suddenly with no warning. I saw her this summer when she was going through chemo. We had tender moments together. Today, a few months later, I wish I could be with her. But I live so far away. Last summer I sent her four colorful reading glasses. Now I am sending her a warm blanket. I wish I could hug her at least once every day. I hope my blanket will.

Prayer: God, thank You for the intimacy of friendship. Thank you that we can be vulnerable with each other. Thank You for the days I could be with my friend last summer. I want to be with her now, but I can’t. I pray that You will surround her from all sides. Wrap her in Your arms like a blanket. Be there when she faces challenges she has not faced before. Let her know that I love her. Amen

I do not call you servants any longer, because servants do not know what their master is doing. Instead, I call you friends, because I have told you everything I heard from my Father. John 15:15

You have a right to say no. Most of us have very weak and flaccid ‘no’ muscles. We feel guilty for saying no. We get ostracized and challenged for saying no, so we forget it’s our choice. Your ‘no’ muscle has to be built up to get to a place where you can say, ‘I don’t care if that’s what you want. I don’t want that. No.’ Iyanla Vanzant

Meditation: As recovering co-dependents, saying “No” and not feeling guilty is difficult. Often we were raised to care for everybody else, save others and put our own needs last. Our self-image and self-esteem rests on saying “yes” all the times to what others need. However, when we secretly start resenting those we say “yes” to and whose needs we are fulfilling, without getting our own needs met, our “yes” is not really a “yes”. It is a lie. And thus it does harm to us and even harms those who we serve, save or help. Practicing saying “no” is life saving for co-dependent persons. It is an emotional and spiritual journey where we learn to not listen to those voices that want to get us back to serving, helping or saving by making us feel guilty. There is tremendous freedom in letting a “yes” really mean “yes” and having the courage to say “no” and really mean it. God intends for us to be clear and honest. What comes natural to some, needs to be an intentional recovery journey for those who have forgotten how to say “no”. Giving ourselves permission to break patterns, to disappoint those who have gotten used to our over-functioning and to say “no” is healing, liberating and the beginning of a new authenticity where “Yes” truly means “Yes” and “No” truly means “No”.

Prayer: God, take our fear of saying “no”. Take our pattern of over-functioning. Take the lies we tell others and ourselves when we overstep our and others’ boundaries for the thousands time. As You take from us those old ways of functioning, give us freedom from guilt, freedom from shame and freedom to say “no”. Help us to enjoy the “me” space that is being created by doing so. Thank You for recovery. Thank You for emotional and spiritual freedom in You. Amen

But let your ‘Yes’ mean ‘Yes,’ and ‘No’ mean ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these comes from the evil one. Matthew 5:37