Much of the time, the things we feel guilty about are not our issues. Another person behaves inappropriately or in some way violates our boundaries. We challenge the behavior, and the person gets angry and defensive. Then we feel guilty. Melody Beattie

Meditation: Many who were raised in a volatile or addicted family environment develop co-dependent behavior and traits. One of those traits is to develop “false guilt”. This kind of guilt is not grounded in a sin we commit, (which would be “healthy guilt” and can be forgiven), but it is “false guilt”. False guilt is not a committed sin, but a feeling and response arising from somebody else accusing us for challenging them, telling the truth about them or pointing out things that the other person does not want to admit or deal with. When this challenged person’s anger erupts, the truth teller who grew up in an unsafe environment suddenly feels guilty and takes personal responsibility for the anger that is being displayed, as if it was all the truth teller’s fault. This “false guilt” feeling then often becomes a pervasive and unconsciously maintaining force that is enabling the violation cycle. To recognize that “false guilt” is happening and to break this cycle takes much courage. Our Christian faith can be a helpful resource, as it encourages us to tell the truth and to “only fear God”. We are also promised the Holy Spirit to help us discern what in our life needs to be confessed as sin and what is not sin (like truth telling and challenging others who are violators of others.)

Prayer: Gracious God, come and be with us when we are afraid of the other person’s anger and rage, when we take in and believe the accusations that “it is all our fault”, when we feel “false guilt” and are confused. Come with Your Holy Spirit of discernment and freedom. Come and free us from our fear of others’ reactions. Liberate us from the anxiety that we could be shamed and blamed for telling the truth. Free us from our co-dependent behavior and our enmeshment with others who violate our boundaries and who manipulate us with their rage and anger. Thank You for setting us free. Amen

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

There is such a thing as old emotional pain living inside you. It is an accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose. It leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. Eckhart Tolle

Meditation: Clients tell me: “but that was long time ago”… They wonder why they should access the pain of their childhoods, youth or young adult years. Experiences of loss, abuse and injustice become lingering emotional pain. If this pain is not able to be expressed and grieved at the time, it will go underground. Consciously we try to forget, and the experiences seem far in the past, but our emotional body (our soul) does not know time. And it is a myth that “time heals all wounds”… Not time, but expressed and validated grief heals all wounds. When adult clients allow themselves to revisit their childhood, their teenage and young adult pain, the old grief that was unable to find expression and validation at the time finally finds a safe place. As my clients express their inner child, their inner teenager and young adult, they learn to be compassionate with themselves. They become the loving and comforting adult/parent towards themselves who they missed back then. The stored energy form of emotional pain is being released. Even decades later we can still fully face and accept those painful life experiences. Not time heals, but compassionate listening and free expressing does.

Prayer: Compassionate God, we pray for all of us who were unable to mourn at the time when injustice, hurt and abuse happened. We acknowledge the energy of emotional pain that is being stored in our bodies and souls. You want to bless us by helping us release the shame, the traumatic memories and the silent tears. We pray that You guide us to safe places where we can release the pain of our past, be comforted and move forward feeling lighter, unashamed and free. Amen

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4

Being taken for granted is an unpleasant but sincere form of praise. Ironically, the more reliable you are, and the less you complain, the more likely you are to be taken for granted. Gretchen Rubin

Meditation: As the mother of teenagers I am being taken for granted many times. I guess this is the job of a teenager to take the primary parent for granted, as their brains are focused pretty much only on “self”- and that 24 hours of each day. Additionally, I am currently the director of an “adolescent” second life cycle counseling center. And I am the pastor of an “adolescent” fourth or fifth life cycle church community. Today, I felt extremely exhausted as the primary “parent figure” of so much adolescent material. And somehow my husband, my Counseling Center Board and the Church Council don’t quite know or see the daily issues, the hourly mood swings, the minute for minute changing needs of an adolescent person or system. They are further removed. They get an update at the end of the day or at the end of the month, while I am involved in every growing pain and in every adolescent mood swing that comes my way. Yes, it is true, somehow it is a compliment to be trusted with so many growing needs, and the more reliable you are and the less your complain… However, I am looking forward to all of those in my care to grow up some more. I am looking to my husband, my Board and my Council to take some more time to get involved more closely. Adolescence is challenging, exhausting, ever changing and damn hard (excuse my language!) at times to care for. So I can’t do it alone… I will remain reliable, and I won’t complain, as I chose and love all three adolescent entities. But I will ask the question: “Who will join me in raising these three adolescent entities, because they love them, too?”

Prayer: Mother God, You must be so exhausted being with humanity, especially as we collectively act so adolescent right now and refuse to grow up. I wonder if You want to throw in the towel at times. I wonder if You wait as well for mature folks to come along and help You out in Your attempt to raise our country’s maturity level. God, let us not take You for granted, but work for the common good. Let us share in the burden of living in an adolescent acting country. Help us to share the responsibility, so that You are being honored in our kitchen, our workplace and on our streets. Amen

Make sure you don’t take things for granted and go slack in working for the common good; share what you have with others. God takes particular pleasure in acts of worship—a different kind of “sacrifice”—that take place in kitchen and workplace and on the streets. Hebrew 13:16

Walk away from ‘friendships’ that make you feel small and insecure, and seek out people who inspire you and support you. Michelle Obama

Meditation: Let’s walk away from relationships that make us feel insecure and insignificant! Walk away from a work place that makes you feel exploited and taken advantage of. Walk away from a group that is toxic in their way of relating or talking. Walk away from family members who infect you with negativity or addictive behavior. Walk away from media that is toxic and that spreads lies! Walk away! Seek out relationships that inspire and support you. Seek out a work place that makes you feel appreciated and respected. Seek out a group that treats you fairly and that does not gossip. Seek out family members who have your best at heart and who give you freedom to be yourself. Seek out news and information that are based in facts and that help you understand the complexity of our world. Seek! In this movement of walking away from the first and seeking the second, you will walk away from death, and you will find life.

Prayer: God, we feel surrounded by wicked behavior and evil intentions. We experience politics as no longer intentioned to prevent wrong but to condone it. We are sick of relationships, work places, groups, and the media that make us taste the wine of violence and the bread of wickedness. God, have mercy. Give us courage to walk away, and give us new hope, so we don’t stop seeking. Let us taste Your bread and Your wine of forgiveness and peace.  Amen                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Do Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil. Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on. For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble. For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence. Proverbs 4: 14-17

Feminism freed my mind. Yoga freed my body. It’s one thing to intellectualize self-love and another to embody it. Melanie Klein

Meditation: Incarnation as we call it, “the Word becoming flesh” is what distinguishes Christianity from philosophy. God in Jesus Christ is not just a noble thought, not just a great theory, not just a “truth” or a “fact”. No, God being embodied in this man who lived more than 2000 years ago is a mystery, a challenge for our intellect, and a comfort to our heart. God becoming embodied, God taking on human form is the most amazing story and human experience there was. And it continued with the life changing experience of the Spirit of Christ having been passed on to us, his followers. As we embrace the liberation that Jesus brought and the deep and unconditional love that he embodied, we are being transformed. And for God to fully live within us, we need to allow to go deeper than only embracing Jesus with our intellect. As we learn to practice self-love, we are being set free to also love God, our creator and to grow in embodying love in relationship with others. This experience means that incarnation is happening every day. This is the mind blowing experience of “the Word becoming flesh” among and also in us.

Prayer: God, we pray that we won’t be satisfied with just thinking about You, as if You were a “truth” or a “virtue”. Free us from the seduction to reduce You to an object that we can play to our advantage like a “wisdom card” or a “game of politics”. Let us meet You in Your embodiment in Christ so that we will truly be transformed, and our transformation will be greater than just that of our mind. Thank You for wanting to live within and through our bodies, our hearts and our minds. Thank You for giving us the spiritual longing to move beyond our mere rational understanding of You, and to grow and become stronger in embodying Your forgiving love every day of our life. Amen

The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, the glory as the only Son of the Father, full of grace and truth.  John 1:14

The mark of a good marriage is when only one of you goes crazy at a time! Heinz Kohut

Meditation: I remember when our twin girls were little. My husband and I would exchange babies at half point between our workplaces in the parking lot. One of us would be coming from work, the other one would be going to work. A quick kiss, and off we went. I also remember times when one of us had a major loss experience and went into deep grief. The other had to handle both children alone until healing had taken place and new strength had returned. I remember moments when our lives were so busy, that we would meet again late at night in bed. The only energy we had left was to hold each other. Marriage is this strong invisible bond. It is this knowing about each other in the midst of the busiest day. It is the thought of the other that brings a smile to one’s face. It is the waiting to hear the garage open after a long day. It is the moment of sharing, listening, laughing and crying when we are coming back together after having had separate experiences all day. It is the calmness of knowing that you are walking in the same direction after all. It is the trust that at the end of the day you are still the most important person for each other. And that you will be best friends forever.

Prayer: God, thank you for twenty years of marriage. Thank you for all those ordinary days that looking back were special, because they were part of the larger tapestry of our marriage. Thank you for those times as partners and parents that have shaped who we are and that in hindsight were uniquely ours, even when they felt so “normal” at the time. Send us Your loving Spirit, so we will cherish each other even more as we enter the next twenty years. Let us continue taking turns being strong and weak, and help us enjoy the experience of  complementing each other even more, now and for as long as we shall live. Amen

Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one, for the results can be much better. If one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he’s in trouble. Also, on a cold night, two under the same blanket gain warmth from each other, but how can one be warm alone? Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

I thank you God for this most amazing day, for the leaping greenly spirits of trees, and for the blue dream of sky and for everything which is natural, which is infinite, which is yes. e. e. cummings

Meditation: We are getting extra blankets out. October air is such a cool clean air at night. However, we walk in our T-shirts during the daytime, as one more time the comfort of warm sunshine caresses our face. It is as if nature graciously and gently wants to prepare us for the colder season that lies ahead. I am looking back at the summer time. Where did the time go? Did we take them for granted, those warm, bright days? I grieve a little. Did I fully enjoy those long summer days? Or was I too busy? I pause to stop the time from racing. How can I consciously enjoy this October month? The fall season has a special charm. We drink those moments in the sun like hot warm chocolate. We enjoy the coloring of the leaves, the smell of cut grass and the sound of dried up leaves. Pumpkins pop up everywhere as decoration and as food items. Cinnamon smells remind us of hot apple cider. Low humidity and less than hot temperatures allow for longer walks in nature and for outings. I am not preaching on Reformation Sunday. So, maybe my husband, the girls, their friends and I will go and visit a waterfall that is an hour away. Maybe we pick up a few pumpkins on the way to decorate our front stairs, we’ll see…

Prayer: I thank You, God, for the smells and special nature moments of this season. I thank You for family outings and breaks in our busy schedules. I thank You that You care about us and that You gently prepare our bodies and souls for the cold season ahead. Help us enjoy the last flowers of summer and the last warm days. Let us join the church and farm communities that celebrate the fall and the harvest. Amazing nature days as we city folks are leaving the urban landscape to be connected with nature once again. Our souls say “Yes”. Thank You for this special month of October. Amen

When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him? Psalm 8:3-4

Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings. William Arthur Ward

Meditation: How we look at things makes all the difference. We can choose to take things and people for granted, see them as common, as routine and as ordinary. Or we can become watchful, which means we look again, pause, pray and see deeper than before. When we shift our perspective through prayer, we become able to see God’s Spirit behind and within everything and everybody we are encountering. We call this shift in perspective “gratitude”.   Gratitude means finding a new attitude. Gratitude is the thankful attitude of saying: “Gratias”, “Thank You”, “Danke”.

Prayer: God, prayer changes us. It puts everything in relationship with You. When we pray we begin looking at life, at things, at people with new eyes. We become sensitized. We become watchful and aware. And we become grateful. Gratitude changes everything, as gratitude changes us. Thank You, for calling us into Your realm where thankfulness transforms us. Amen

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” Collossians 4:2

A single act of courage is often the tipping point for extraordinary change. Andy Stanley

Meditation: A few weeks ago one single football player knelt to express his protest of racial injustice and oppression. His example spread and many followed. Even in Germany soccer players knelt in solidarity with him and his protest. A few days ago a single woman chose to speak up, put everything on the line and expose 30 years and hundreds of incidences of sexual exploitation by a powerful business man. Her courage and example spread, and many women followed. Many men started speaking up also in solidarity with these women. Even though our current cultural climate is shaped by a President and a group of politicians who abuse their power by practicing public shaming and defaming, more and more individuals are finding the courage to stand up to power. They risk everything. And a single act of courage is often the tipping point for extraordinary change. God’s Spirit works through individuals. God’s Spirit can work through me and you. However, let’s not be naïve. Let’s be on our guard while standing firmly grounded in our faith and trust in God. And most of all, let us call upon God’s Spirit of courage and strength. Let light shine and expose what is too shameful to be talked about, so that healing can begin and justice can be restored.

Prayer: God, it is too much. We are sick and tired of the “Zeitgeist” (Spirit of our time). The injustice and lack of empathy, the exploitation of the poor and vulnerable, the blaming of others, the lies…We are so sick and tired of this oppressive “Zeitgeist”. God, send Your “tipping” Spirit of courage. Show us where we are called to “kneel”, “reveal” and “join others”.  God we ache for change. Amen

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. 1. Corinthians 16:13

 

The problem is, many of the people in need of saving are in churches, and at least part of what they need saving from is the idea that God sees the world the same way they do. Barbara Brown Taylor

Meditation: It is so understandable. Especially among us, the pious and religious folks: All of us want God to be on our side. All of us are tempted to project our favorite ideas onto God. All of us wish we could hold onto our childlike magic belief that it is really us who control God. All of us want God to look like us and represent only us and our culture, our race and even our gender or sexual preference. And then, we are being confronted with “God as the Other” as Karl Barth called it. When our childlike spirituality and our self-centered faith begin to fail us, we usually first get angry and then disillusioned. And if we then allow “to be saved”, we will slowly begin to spiritually mature. As we grow spiritually, we come to realize: God is not only on our side, but on all sides. God does not equal our favorite Bible verses, but God also speaks through those verses we do not like. God cannot be magically predicted and manipulated by us. And God comes to us in experiences and persons of other cultures, other races and other gender or sexual orientation. God surprises us. God does not allow to be identified with the projection of ourselves into the sky, pretending this was God. God brings us down to earth. God as “the Other” is different from our narrow ideas and childlike mind games. And God as “the Other” wants to save us from ourselves and also save our churches from their immature and self-absorbed teachings.

Prayer: God, You have compassion for our childlike and self-absorbed stage of faith. However, You don’t want us to get stuck in it, as many of us do. And You don’t want the church to become a place of colluding with our immature and narcissistic stage of faith, but to challenge us to grow. Thank you for disillusioning us and for forcing us to grow up spiritually. Liberate and save us, Your people, from ourselves. Help us mature and find You in the Otherness that comes our way. Save Your people from churches that keep them immature and make them believe that You are not more than an extension and projection of themselves. God, save Your Church from being lost. Amen

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9