A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior. Melody Beattie

Meditation: When we come from addicted, controlling or abusive family backgrounds, we very likely develop codependent behavior or traits. In systems where emotional freedom and respect for boundaries of the individual is not an option, everything that happens to one person, will happen to all persons in the same system. There is no difference anymore between “We” and “I”. When our sense of identity is defined through addictive, controlling or abusive dynamics, it makes sense that we have not learned to draw healthy boundaries. It makes sense that we do not know how not to allow somebody else’s bad choices to become our nightmare. And on this background it also makes sense that in order to feel some sense of self-agency and power (as real freedom is not possible), we would ultimately try to control that person’s behavior who causes us such nightmares. It is a logical circle, and yet a failing cycle of attempts to gain freedom by controlling others, which is impossible! Our control attempts will have to fail, as we ourselves become the other person’s nightmare, and they are starting to now react against us. What do we do? Are we doomed to repeat this painful codependent cycle forever? Thank God, we can learn to draw healthy boundaries. God can free us from the nightmare caused by choices another person makes. God will empower us to draw boundaries. Yes, we will experience false guilt and shame when we draw boundaries. Yes, we might feel like a failure when we practice freedom and when we stop “caretaking” the person who hurts us. Yes, it will be a sometimes slow and sometimes frustrating recovery from major anxiety and from years of victimization. And sadly, often our family members of origin are the last ones to support us in our recovery, as they themselves are still stuck in the nightmares they cause each other. Our family does not necessarily want for us to become free, as they are not either.

Prayer: God of freedom, we pray that we can enter and remain in recovery from co-dependent behavior patterns. Help us find a community of people who are all healing and recovering from the craziness of abuse, neglect, addiction and oppression. Help us learn more about codependent patterns, so that you can set us free. Give us recovery peers and friends who rejoice in our recovery and who do not burden or sabotage us. You encourage and nurture our ability to set healthy boundaries and you cheer us on as we break the cycle and stop trying to control others. Amen

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Meditation: When we go through troubling times, it is hard to be still. When so many external demands and challenges come at us, it is natural for us as humans to start fighting back. We fight to overcome the challenges. Through and after a resolution achieved by fighting, we somehow hope to find peace. Yet often we cannot resolve the situations that come at us, no matter how hard we try.  God offers us a different approach to troubling times by inviting us to become still in the midst of our challenges. When we get in touch with the silence within ourselves, we become able to put some space between us and our circumstances. In that extra space between us and the happenings, we catch our breath and start wondering what meaning might be hidden in what is happening. Sometimes we don’t find meaning right away, though we are quiet and try to listen. However, other times questions may arise in the silence like: “What is there for me to learn?” or “What could be the blessing in these events that right now feel so overwhelming and challenging?” or “Where am I growing and being stretched – even though I don’t like it?” And yet at other times, we are being still, yet cannot find any helpful questions and discover no meaning… Then all we can do is wait in the silence for God to come and be with us.

Prayer: God, sometimes we are too anxious to be still. Sometimes our brain is just not quieting down, but keeps racing. Sometimes we are angry because what is happening does not seem to be a learning experience, but it seems just unfair, wrong and without meaning. God, hear our anger, our fear, our sense of injustice, our feelings of being overwhelmed and our unspoken despair. God, be the encouraging quiet voice when we enter our inner silence. Be our rock, our hiding place and our hope whenever we don’t feel safe, hopeful or quiet. Amen

Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken. Psalm 62: 5-6

Morality [or ethics] is not a subject; it is a life put to the test in dozens of moments. Paul Tillich

Meditation: In a time like this, we see much immoral and unethical behavior on TV and in our daily interactions between people. And this is being declared as the “new normal”. Our response cannot be about upholding certain values and traditions just for the sake of it. It can also not be about being super religious or self-righteous while looking down on others. No, moreover this time is about developing character. We are being tested daily in dozens of moments… “Do I say something or do I keep my mouth shut?” “Do I accept that ‘politically correct’ is no longer existent or are there more good reasons to monitor my prejudices and the use of my words?” This is a time when our character is being tested, not just our behavior. Jesus was an example of living a deeply ethical and moral life. He individuated from those who tried to either make him take their side or to accuse him. And how did he do it? He went inward. He did not react. He meditated and sought the connection with the Source of all Life before answering. He was tested in many ways, and he developed the wisdom to neither get manipulated nor trapped. He lived such a spiritually grounded and ethically independent life that he has become the role model for his followers whenever they encounter those test moments in life.

Prayer: God of wisdom and strength, when we get tested, let us bend down and write on the ground before we react. When we get tempted, let us not fall for the trap. When the values we stand for are being eliminated all around us, let us still stand up for what we believe in. Fill us with Your Spirit today. And fill us again tomorrow when the character tests will await us around every corner. Thank You for the role modeling of Jesus. Help us discern, help us remain true to who we are and to whose we are. Give us strength. Amen

They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. John 8:6

Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes. Carl Jung

Meditation: I wonder if during the past eight years of having Barak Obama as President we all looked to him, looked outside of ourselves and dreamed of a better life, of unity and of justice for all. Suddenly the paradigm shift we are experiencing is no longer allowing us to dream. We are being forced to look inside. No longer can we project our longing and hopes onto a savior figure like Obama, and fall asleep doing so. Now is the time to look inside. Now is the time to awake. The shadows are raising their ugly heads. And we are being asked not to dream, but to face that reality, look inside and thus awake to the questions: “Who am I?” “What is my calling at this time in history?” “What has God prepared me for?” “What part of the dreams that I was looking for outside of me do I need to find inside of me?” We have to confront our own shadow plus the shadows that are being lived out in front of us with chaotic and threatening vigor. Yes, it is tempting to allow the current outside, the chaotic externals to overwhelm us and decide to just numb out. It is challenging to keep awake and remain sober. It is uncomfortable to look inside and awake. But that is what we are called to do at this time in history. May God help us!

Prayer: God, You see the shadows take over much space and much ground. Help us to remain focused on You. Help us to not shy away from looking inside. Help us to wake up and stay alert. God, what have You prepared us, Your people, for? What do You need us to be and do at this time in history? We are disoriented as we are shifting from external to internal. We wish we could keep dreaming, but You need us to be awake. God, wake up Your people all over the world, including me. Amen

So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober.                    1. Thessalonians 5:6

Imperfections are not inadequacies; they are reminders that we’re all in this together. Brené Brown

Meditation: A few days ago I developed an eye infection that makes my eye lids swollen and red. It is surely not fun! I am on antibiotics now. However, the symptoms have not subsided yet, and I need to go in for work. I am not contagious, just uncomfortable. Having red and swollen eyelids makes me feel vulnerable. Why can’t the infection be in an invisible part of my body? At the same time I am getting in touch with those around me who are living with a disability they cannot hide. Who am I that I think I would be exempt of being seen in my physical vulnerability? As I lean further into my feelings of inadequacy and shame of having red and swollen eyelids, I suddenly feel peace. I feel solidarity with all who carry a visible scar or a visible variance on their bodies. I feel invited by God’s Spirit to allow myself to be seen with my imperfection. A connecting and humbling experience of what it means to be human.

Prayer: God, You remind me of my humanity that connects me with all who are facing visible and invisible vulnerabilities. You accept me in my imperfection, and in doing so, You are helping me overcome my shame. You help me feel compassion for myself and for others who are struggling with an ailment. All of us are fragile, vulnerable and not immune to physical and mental illness. Thank You for loving and accepting us, no matter what. Help us to have a relationship with ourselves and with others that reflect this unconditional love of Yours. Amen

For God shows no partiality. Romans 2:11

Each time a (wo)man stands up for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, (s)he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance. Robert Kennedy

Meditation: What would it mean if our small act of standing up against injustice had a large ripple effect? Two faith sisters each shared with me an experience from last week when they stood up against blatant injustice. They dared to advocate and speak truth to power. It felt inspiring! It felt like the church was out there in the world. Each of these women probably felt very alone at the time. But their courage is no accident! God is improving the lot of people through millions of small strikes against injustice. God’s Spirit is at work. Millions and millions of times a day, people (including us Christians) are creating tiny ripples of hope against oppression. As we imagine each other, hear about each other and pray for each other, we become emboldened. We are God’s center of energy and we are hosts of God’s daring Spirit. Through this Spirit, God reaches out into this world that currently lives in darkness. High walls of oppression are being built and blatant resistance to human rights is mounting like high fences. And yet, at the same time God’s Spirit is working on building a current that will sweep down the mightiest walls and the highest fences. Let us believe that we are not alone. Let us imagine the millions of sisters and brothers around the world who also dare standing up to injustice. One or two of us might easily be overcome. But not the millions and millions who God is using in this current fight.

Prayer: God, we are collectively Christ’s body. We are the bodies hosting Your Holy Spirit. We might not know all the millions of people through whom You are at work in this world right now. But today, we ask You to open our eyes. Today, we ask you to sharpen our awareness, so we might know that we are not alone. Each small act of resistance against evil and oppression is part of Your world encompassing plan. Together we, Your children and others, are ripples, we are energy, we are daring… Help us believe that You are working in and through all of us around the world to restore justice and peace. And we are comforted. Amen

The church, you see, is not peripheral to the world; the world is peripheral to the church. The church is Christ’s body, in which he speaks and acts, by which he fills everything with his presence. Ephesians 1:23

 

Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. Brene Brown

Meditation: Social media is a great medium to know things about people. When relationships are interrupted by time or space, Facebook can be helpful to stay connected. However helpful the photos and images on Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram might be to stay in touch, they are limited in truly providing friendship. Friendship requires shared time and space. It needs these moments of intimacy that can’t happen via a photo and its captioning. As we lower our expectations of internet “friendships” and increase our search for friendship in real time and space, we will probably be more satisfied. We need this rare experience of being known and knowing the other, which is so important for any true and intimate friendship. Personally,  my best friend is still my younger sister. Even though we have been living in different continents for 20 years (and we need the telephone to be able to talk to each other), she knows me best. With her I can share my deepest feelings over the phone . What makes our friendship real is the depth of knowing each other.

Prayer: God, thank you for the experience of true friendship, for being known and for deeply knowing another. Help us to not expect from social media what it is not able to provide. Let us search for and invest in one or two close friends who will know us deeply. Thank you for providing clouds of witnesses who know things about us, although they can’t be as close friends as we sometimes need. Thank You for providing us with a friend or two who laugh with us, crie with us and who plead for us. Amen

My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man (s)he pleads with God as one pleads for a friend. Job 16:20-21

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow”. – Mary Anne Radmacher

Meditation: I don’t know about you. But at the end of the day I am spent. I have given my best and my all – and I am exhausted. And then there are still so many tasks that remain undone. My list has still at least five to ten “to do” items. It takes courage to go to bed even though I am not done. It takes courage to let go of all that I have not accomplished. It is challenging to trust that there will be more time and more opportunity tomorrow. For me, every day is a little life. Therefore I imagine that at the end of my life I will have a similar experience: So many things that I still wanted to do – and now there isn’t time left. It takes courage to let go of the small everyday incompletes and even more so at the end of my life my big incompletes.  If I slow down and listen with my heart, I can hear that quiet inner voice of Grace say: “It’s OK. There is Grace, there is time and opportunity, even though your day, your life has come to an end.” Our hope as Christians is that all our incompletes are being held by God for us, and that we will be made complete in hope. If I can quiet my heart and mind enough, I can hear God’s Spirit whisper: “You will try again tomorrow” and “You are enough”. And so my heart relaxes and lets go, repeating: “I will try again tomorrow” and “I am enough”….

Prayer: God, you know how overwhelming life can be at times. You know that sometimes we lose heart. We stay strong on the outside, but feel really weak on the inside, as we keep pushing ourselves beyond our limits. Gracious God, help us to let go at the end of the day and at the end of our life. Help us to accept our limits and still know that you consider us as “good enough”.  You want to fill us with new strength and new hope in the morning. Teach us how to be courageous and how to let go. And we are grateful. Amen

Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD. Psalm 31:24

One of Obama’s most impressive attributes is his quiet confidence:… he is comfortable in his own skin, a dedicated father and friend who won’t waste time with the phony rituals of Washington. Ron Fournier

Meditation: I remember that as a 14 year old teenager I was not comfortable in my own skin. I felt awkward. I judged myself and wanted to disappear when others looked at me. I think that is a common experience of puberty. When we then see somebody who is comfortable in his/her skin, we get inspired. Not because that person is “full of themselves”, but because that person is congruent with her/himself. They are in sink with themselves. Content, at peace and truly loving of self, and then subsequently we can see how that peace and self-love will radiate onto others. Today I took photos of my 14 year old daughters during their homecoming weekend. My biggest joy was seeing them comfortable in their own skin. They were playful and unashamed. They radiated a joy and happiness with who they were. It was healing for my inner teenager to see them be so naturally and distinctly themselves. The event that is for some a horror to attend, as they feel utterly self-conscious, was for my daughters a fun event during which they dared to be themselves. Thanks be to God!

Prayer: God, please, be with those teens who did not have a good time during homecoming or who did not even show up today. Those who are depressed, isolated, self-conscious and self-critical. Heal their ability to love themselves. Let them experience support and acceptance. Help them join the community and be themselves, believing that in God’s eyes there is no flaw in them. Amen

You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you. Song of Solomon 4:7

A child’s mental health is just as important as their physical health and deserves the same quality of support. Kate Middleton

Meditation: This weekend is homecoming weekend. Exciting and very stressful. My girls feel overwhelmed, exhausted and confused, as this is their first time. Last night, after I let them share their feelings of imbalance and stress, I wondered how to support their “mental health” in these days. (I suggest to playfully rename mental health as “M-EART health” = “mind and heart health” as the term “mental” is usually used equivalent with “illness” or even worse with “insanity”). The heart on the other hand symbolizes all of our emotions. Heart and mind are normal parts of all of us. And our hearts and minds can become stressed easily. Stress will take a toll on our hearts and minds and eventually make us sick, if we don’t provide preventative care. I have learned that one of the best mental health support for myself and for teenagers is sleep. And because teenage High schooler (who always go to bed later than they should) get up at 5:45am, they do not get enough sleep for sure. As I assessed my girls’ “m-eart health” in the evening, I decided to let them sleep in, two hours longer than usual. I have never done this. But I knew to cope with all the stressors coming their way, sleep – besides expressing their emotions-  would be the best foundation no matter what would come at them. Letting their brain rest, while me remaining available for concrete support would give them sufficient strength to make it through the weekend. On the letter of excuse of arriving in school late I listed “health related reasons”. I did not want to say “mental health related reasons”, as that would raise red flags… It is sad that our society has not accepted our mental health, our “m-eart health”, to deserve just the same care as our bodies do.

Prayer: God, you deeply care about our body, mind and emotions. You want our hearts and minds to be at peace. Our society focuses on caring for our bodies. However, it is often ignoring and dismissing the health of our mind and of our emotions. Help us teach the next generation that the health of our emotions and our minds are just as important as our bodies. You want our whole personhood to receive daily care. You want us to receive abundant support and peace that surpasses what the world gives us. And we are grateful. Amen

Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. John 14:27