When anxious, uneasy and bad thoughts come, I go to the sea, and the sea drowns them out with its great wide sounds, cleanses me with its noise, and imposes a rhythm upon everything in me that is bewildered and confused. Rainer Maria Rilke

Meditation: I remember growing up and having most of our family vacations be close to the seaside. It was the best time out of the year. When I became a teenager, I would get up early in the morning, take my journal with me and sit in the cool morning air at the beach, watching the tide come in and the sun rise, listening to the seagulls and feeling the wind in my face. I loved how far I could look. Being so small and yet part of a larger seemingly endless landscape put my confused and uneasy teenage thoughts and feelings into perspective. I usually returned home calmer and somehow comforted. These past days we took a four day beach vacation as a family and chose to spend it on one of the Georgia islands. There I watched my teen daughters enjoy the ocean with its waves. They had been pretty stressed with school lately. Swimming in the ocean seemed to wash away all their tension and anxiety. They returned with a glow and a laughter that I had been missing on their faces for months. Amazing how the sea cleanses our soul and puts things into perspective.

Prayer: God of the sea, we feel Your healing embrace through the water and the sun. When we are confused and overwhelmed with life, the ocean calms us. The winds whisper gently our name. The rhythm of the sea brings us back to ourselves. We become one with nature, one with You and one with ourselves again. Thank You for the beauty of the sea. Thank You for Your healing embrace. Amen

If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. Psalm 139: 9-10 (ESV)

Immanuel, God with us in our nature, in our sorrow, in our lifework, in our punishment, in our grave, and now with us, or rather we with Him, in resurrection, ascension, triumph, and Second Advent splendor. Charles Spurgeon

Meditation: My daughters love the cemeteries in Germany. They are different from those here in the US that often have long lines of graves on open fields. In Germany, however, most cemeteries look like gardens. They have paths and trees and many benches. We walk on the grass that is still short from the winter time. The sun is warming the earth. The birds are singing and reassure us that the winter is over. The walkways are familiar, many names are known to me after growing up in this town. We carry a bouquet of daffodils in our hand and a vase for the grave in our backpack. And then we sit for some time on one of the benches close to my father’s (their grandfather’s) grave. We are still, I tell a few stories while remembering my Dad. Are there images that come back to me, or voices? Are there special experiences? While we remember, the birds are singing. It is sunny and still, and painful and intense. What can we do? We can decorate the grave and pray, we can surrender our Dad and grandfather who died into God’s care. And we can look for signs of his presence among us. Every time a butterfly comes along, since their early childhood, I told my daughters to remember their grandfather. He loved the symbol of the butterfly as a sign of the resurrection. And we remember him and see his beauty every time a butterfly comes along.

Prayer: God, today on Easter Sunday we remember all those who died and who we believe to be resurrected with you. We feel their presence in our hearts. We share their stories among us. We choose symbols that connect us with them and that remind us of their resurrection. From generation to generation, those we love will never be forgotten. Amen

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. John 14:3 (NIV)

Sorrow comes in great waves…but rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it leaves us. And we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain. Henry James

Meditation: Sometimes our work life creates sorrow for us. At other times it is our love life or our marriage. And then it might be one of our kids who is in need and who preoccupies our mind. Whatever it might be, sometimes life’s sorrows feel like great waves washing over us. It feels like we can hardly breathe. We feel nearly smothered by the stormy waters. At times we feel afraid that these waves of sorrow will swallow us. It is very helpful to think that the wave of sorrow will subside, it will leave us. The thought that this pain, this questioning, this confusion, too, will pass, and we will remain stronger than before, is a comforting image. If we believe that God’s Spirit is given to us and lives in and through us, then we have several virtues available to us, namely humility, gentleness, patience and peace. And God invites us to first use those for ourselves in these stormy times, and then also extend those to others.

Prayer: God of sorrow, God of hope, thank You that this wave of grief, this wave of struggle, this wave of sorrow, too, shall pass. Thank You that I will come through on the other side stronger than before, even though I feel weaker right now struggling with the waves coming at me. Thank You that Your Spirit is encouraging me when I feel like giving up. Fill my heart with compassion and with peace that surpasses my understanding. Amen

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3

Letting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. Melody Beattie

Meditation: Sometimes we want to solve complex issues overnight. Letting go of the urgency to solve those issues will help us find peace, as many of them are not even ours to begin with. Sometimes we obsess about other people’s issues and problems. Letting go of feeling responsible for others’ lives will help us recover our peace. At other times we get entangled in another person’s chaos and we forget where we end and the other person begins. Letting go of the chaos that is not ours will help us find calm and hope for our own life. And then we spiritually surrender our complex issues, other persons’ problems and other people’s chaos to God. None of those issues are ours any longer, because they were not meant to be ours to begin with. Joy and peace will return when we practice daily (possibly hourly) surrender. We detangle ourselves. We discover where we end and where others begin. We identify what is our own problem and therefore our own responsibility and what is not. New hope can enter when we are no longer filling our life with other people’s issues. And no, it is not selfish to set healthy boundaries. No, it is not selfish to let go and protect ourselves from anything that is turning out to be toxic. No, it is not selfish to no longer allow to be manipulated and used. And yes, we are meant to experience deep joy and deep peace as people who belong to God.

Prayer: God of joy and God of peace, You are teaching us to let go of problems that are another person’s to address and solve. You are freeing us from over-functioning and from over-responsible behavior. We entrust those we worry about to your care. But we no longer allow them to use us to stabilize themselves and make themselves feel better, while we feel worse and depleted. God, in helping us set healthy boundaries we learn to say “No”. “No” as the most freeing word, filled with joy and filled with hope. Amen

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Maybe I am not very human – what I wanted to do was to paint sunlight on the side of a house. Edward Hopper

Meditation: I think this artist is very human in his wish to paint sunlight on the side of a house. I can resonate with him. Growing up in Wittgenstein, Westphalia, Germany the wintertime lasted way into May, and in October it would become really cold again. And not only cold, but also rainy, foggy and uncomfortably grey for days and weeks without end in sight. I often wished growing up that I could have one hour of sunlight and warmth every day. Painting sunlight on houses would have been a beautiful idea, as sometimes during those long winters we all forgot what sunshine even looked or felt like. Currently the political climate in the US and in many other countries feels like a long, not ending winter. Injustice causes frostbites, and people have to come together to stay warm. We witnessed such warmth of coming together in the demonstrations last weekend. We long for justice, just as we long for the spring to finally arrive. Our bodies and our hearts are weary of the cold temperatures. We need the literal sun to shine upon us, and we need the sun of righteousness to shine once again in this country and around the world.

Prayer: God, many people are sick and tired of the cold of winter and the cold of unjust politics. Many people are depressed and their bodies are longing for the warmth of the sun, their hearts are longing for justice to shine once again. God, you are the sun of righteousness that brings healing, physically and mentally. Shine on us. Hear our prayer. We are asking for the rising of the sun and for righteousness to be done. As You let Your light shine on us once again, we will leap with joy like calves running from the winter stall. May Your light of Justice and Your warmth of Grace shine on humanity once again. Amen

But for you who revere my name the sun of righteousness shall rise, with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall. Malachi 4:2 (NRSV)

A (societal) regression stops when anxiety subsides or when the complications of the regression are greater than the anxiety that feeds the regression. Murray Bowen

Meditation: Our American society is going through a major regression experience. Chronic and instinctual anxiety have caused a “herd” mentality. The former societal majority is feeling threatened by gradually becoming a minority and thus regresses into behavior that are not what one expects of mature adults. Our current mostly white, mostly male and rich political leaders are an expression of this societal regression based on instinctual anxiety. However, during the recent “March for our Lives”demonstrations, we witnessed how an eleven year old and a seventeen year old were more mature, articulate and differentiated than our current leading politicians seem to be. It is mind blowing and sad when the leaders of our nation abdicate the mature and differentiated task of leadership to our children. However, it seems that the time is here that a child shall lead us. The time has come when those young children and teenagers are bringing together many different minorities who are becoming one in spirit, and who grow peacefully into becoming the new majority in this country. All victims of the current societal regression that suffer from the unloading of its instinctual anxiety and unleashed aggression upon them have had enough. In uniting, they rise and demand the current societal regression to stop. Are we currently witnessing how the complications of our current regression are becoming greater than the anxiety that feeds the regression? This is when regression can be overcome! There is hope! We pray that differentiated and mature adults will take back the leadership of this country, so that our temporarily leading children can be allowed to remain children and youth and heal from their trauma.

Prayer: God, we pray for all the traumatized children of this country who feel let down by adults who act irresponsibly and who are unresponsive. We pray for all the teenage activists who feel the burden of the world on their shoulders. Let them witness how thousands and millions of adults join them and rise up together with them. Let a new majority form as to contradict and overcome the instinctual and oppressive anxiety that has swept our country. Let our children experience how mature adults will take back leadership. Free our children from the burden of having to lead us, the adults. God, have mercy on this country. Amen

The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them. Isaiah 11:6

When suddenly you seem to lose all you thought you had gained, do not despair. You must expect setbacks and regressions. Don’t say to yourself “All is lost. I have to start all over again.” This is not true. What you have gained you have gained….When you return to the road, you return to the place where you left it, not to where you started. Henri Nouwen

Meditation: Growing and maturation are not happening in a linear fashion. Looking back at my own story, I see myself take detours or dead ends at time. Maturation and  recovery from chaotic family of origins, co-dependency, addiction, unhealthy patterns or unhealthy relationships is not a straight line. I remember times of regression when it seemed like all my earlier gains were lost. At times I felt stuck in patterns that I hated, but could not easily escape. I had moments when I wanted to give up or despair as if new behavior, greater maturity or a broader repertoire of coping mechanisms were unreachable for me. It felt like I was forever stuck in dynamics of myself as a younger person. However, sometimes we have to hit “rock bottom”, before we actually are able to make the changes we have been yearning for so long. It takes more than a thought or a vague desire to truly change and mature. It is helpful to hear that when we come out of our setbacks, our dead ends and our regressions, we do not have to start all over. Do not despair. There is Grace that past growth has not been lost, only forgotten. Former good decisions are not gone,  only overshadowed. We can return to those ways and decisions that have been healing and growth producing before. There is Grace. Regression and setbacks won’t have the final word.

Prayer: Grace giving God, you see us struggle with setbacks, wrong decision making and regression. You see us hate the way we have given in to former patterns of behavior that we thought we had left behind. You see us become harsh with ourselves and so disappointed, that we might as well give up. This is when Your Grace wants to remind us whose we are. We are Yours. You never give up on us. You always lead us back to the path of life that we forgot for some time. You want to help us fully recover and help us choose abundant life. And we are grateful. Amen

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2. Corinthians 4:16+18

Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for. Bob Marley

Meditation: Sometimes we are being hurt by those we are closest to or by those whom we love. Often they do not hurt us intentionally. More so the suffering and pain they are going through is impacting us as well, as we are closely connected with them. In some way we are indirectly sharing their suffering. There have been times when somebody else’s suffering became so toxic that I had to distance myself and let go of the connection we had. At other times the hurt that happened became an estranging force and the relationship changed or ended by itself. However, in every loving relationship we are going to be hurt. We just got to find the ones worth suffering for. As we choose life partners and friends, we choose a certain form of suffering and pain that will be part of those close loving relationships. But love is what helps us carry the others’ burdens, just as they carry the burdens we have and that we consequently become to them. Our shadows, our wounding, our family of origin dynamics, our idiosyncrasies – all of those can hurt the other whom we choose to love. And vice versa. However, the law of Christ is the power of love that enables us to endure certain burdens and accept them as part of the relationship.

Prayer: God of patience, You do not condone abuse, neglect, lying or other severe forms of hurt in relationships. You want us to walk away when the hurt is done intentional or is getting too much. But with those unintentional hurts in relationships, you model acceptance and forgiveness in a way that provokes me. I struggle at times to carry the burdens that come with being in close relationships. When I want to run from suffering, you ask me to stay. When I want to change the other person, you ask me to accept, forgive and work on changing myself. Help me to love myself and the other person whom I choose to love and who loves me. Amen

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness. Marianne Williamson

Meditation: Forgiveness does not mean condoning or forgetting. Forgiving also does not depend on the other person asking for forgiveness. Forgiving does not mean to stay within abusive relationships or circumstances. However, forgiveness is a difficult process: I first need to admit the hurt, the anger and the wounds received. I then need to acknowledge that injustice happened, and that I do not deserve the treatment that I received. At the same time, I need to admit that I will be in bondage to anger, rage and hurt unless I forgive. The act or consecutive acts of forgiveness free me from the injustice that happened to me. They free me from the person or circumstances that inflicted pain on me. Forgiveness is not easy. It is an act of courage. It is the spiritual practice of turning towards God who is the only One who can forgive. In me joining God in forgiving, I am really letting go of my urge to seek revenge. I am letting go. I separate myself from all resentment, victimhood and rage. I am being freed from the toxins that try to fester and destroy my inner peace. In joining God in the power that forgiveness holds, I find peace again. I am being healed.

Prayer: God, when Jesus prayed to You to forgive those who tortured and then killed him, he found peace in the midst of the most horrendous circumstances. He did not give his torturers the power to not only kill his body, but also his Spirit. In asking God to forgive them, Jesus saved his Soul and Spirit. Even though he died physically, his Spirit remained alive. God, I ask that You help me where I struggle with forgiveness. Help me join Jesus in his power of overcoming victimization and injustice through forgiveness. God, I need Your help to be able to forgive others and myself, again and again. Amen

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing”. Luke 23:34

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Marianne Williamson

Meditation: Most of my younger life I have been afraid not to be “good enough”. This seems to be a common fear of children of both secular parents and religious parents alike. However, it seems to me that children of secular parents are less afraid of embracing their power than children of religious parents might be. Religious parents and teachers often urge children early on to be humble, to be aware of their darkness and faults and to examine and confess their sins at all times. This seems helpful in some ways, as children become aware of their limitations early in life. However, do we allow the children of our religious communities also to celebrate their power and not be afraid of it? Do religious children grow up letting their talent shine? Do we encourage them to choose positions of leadership and influence? Who are we not to see ourselves as powerful if we see ourselves as children of God? As parents of teenage girls I am trying to empower them. I pay attention to see where their passion, their talent and their brilliance might lead them. And then I trust the Holy Spirit to strengthen them along the way, as they are on their journey of finding their power-filled and difference making place in this world.

Prayer: Empowering God, You want us to be aware of our limitations, our shadows and our sin. But You don’t want us to define ourselves through them. You delight in our brilliance, our talents and our strengths, as You have created us with them. You want us to not be afraid to shine, to take leadership and to make a difference in this world. You give us power so that we will use it wisely and powerfully in Your name. And we are grateful for Your creative and powerful Spirit living in us. Amen

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Ephesians 6:10 (NIV)