A Medical Provider’s prayer of despair

Completely burned out, not thinking straight anymore,15 hour work days

Not being able to sleep, trauma brain on constant signal, always afraid

Always waiting for the next shoe to drop, and then it comes: The next wave, on autopilot

Guilty for not doing more, loyal while slowly vanishing, soothing with meds, sometimes alc

But nothing works anymore, controlling the uncontrollable, breaking down, but no one sees

Losing the battle, too many battles against Covid, having been changed forever

Not knowing what “normal” feels like anymore, exhausted beyond belief

Feeling despair, on a sinking ship, nearly two years of complex trauma, the body, the brain will never be the same

Burn out beyond belief, How long, God,

…how long?

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